I've been for all the preliminary tests that I need via my GP and the next step is for my husband to go to get his swimmers tested. My GP is all set to refer me to a fertility specialist, but has said she can't do so until my husband gets his sperm mobility tested, but he's stalling just saying that we will fall pregnant eventually. He's very blase about it all, but I think he's in denial (we have been trying for around 2 years now!). I know that he sees it as a slight on his manlyhood. From what I gather, this is common male reaction, as comedian Jason Manford nicely illustrates in his sketch:
So I've started thinking about all the men he might admire who have faced infertility issues: Gavin from BBC's Gavin and Stacey and...well... After that I realised that not many male celebrities have actually confessed they have their own infertility issues (other than characters on TV programmes and films). I even did a Google search to see what names I could find.
Is there something written into the male code of practice that if you admit you might be infertile, you're less of a man!? If so, why? This really is contradictory behaviour, as surely it's the man who is brave enough to address his infertility that's the real man? Like the gorgeous Hugh Jackman, although I don't think it was ever revealed where he and his wife's infertility issues were.
We need more celebrity males going public on sperm mobility issues etc to show others that it is nothing to be ashamed of! If they did this hopefully gradually the wider male community begin to realise this is not a slight on them and that actually it is a common occurrence, which in some occasions can be remedied!
Whatever you think of them, all these famous women have really helped to prove that infertility is not a slight on femininity and give us the power to do whatever it takes to be a mum:
Celine Dion, Alexis Stewart, Nancy Sorrell, Courtney Cox-Arquette, Christine Brinkley, Helena Bonham Carter, Marcia Cross, Melanie Griffith, Alex Kingston, Jane Seymour, Brenda Strong, Emma Thompson, Trinny Woodhall, Brooke Shields...
We just need more male celebrities to do the same...
In fact, if anyone is aware of any examples of more infertile celebrity males please do share details.
Tom Arnold has come forward to discuss his issues with male infertility. Gordon Ramsey has, as well.
ReplyDeleteI think it is important to note that women are more devastated by childlessness. There are stories of desperation in the news of women stealing babies - even cutting them from the wombs of other women. Because childlessness is the great slight to women.
To men, infertility itself is the slight. Sometimes, a baby doesn't fix it. There is a piece of a man that is forever missing. That piece is something that society has emphasized as a measure of his worth from a young age. Fertile men have no grid for dealing with the concept of infertility; it is a threat to masculinity at large. As such, an infertile man can find his status among his peers downgraded, and his level of respect reduced.
In order to preserve masculinity in a healthy way, men must completely reframe what is important about being a man. This, ironically, takes serious balls. There will always be the "he's 'shooting blanks' jokes". The snide "hey send your wife over to me - I can help out". You don't see that kind of ridicule directed towards women. Just some food for thought as to why men tend to suffer in silence. There is a cost that has no equal in the feminine world.